If you’re reading this, you’re probably going through something or just curious what next tip someone might have on getting over things.
It’s true that it’s part of our daily lives to reach a point where we need to let go of something. And when that happens, everything just starts working in reverse mode. No matter the reason the breakup has happened, you’re going to go through some moments of less desirable feelings. And when I say break up, I mean letting go of any relationship. Whether it’s a friend, a lover, spouse or else. Whenever we lose something we cared for, we often feel the urge to get over it. The pain is usually near unbearable.
The question here is not how to avoid it, but how to better process things, what brings us close to relief and what draws us apart from it.
Getting over something efficiently might differ depending on who ended the relationship but remember that:
Everyone feels the void
Because we get attached to things, we can even come to miss the pain. The person on the other side will necessarily feel something along the run, after the separation. And knowing that is not only comforting, but it also creates a virtual space of connection. So you might even miss that person less, because you know you’re both experiencing something virtually similar, through your feelings and thoughts. This is by no means an excuse to reach out but to have comfort and shade of peace through this.
Accept the pain
There is no gimmick to get over anything fast. But running away from it is what is going to delay your recovery to even years later. A way to get over a breakup fast is to actually accept that it might take time
. Accepting and welcoming pain is liberating and necessary. It’s important to know that pain is predictable and unavoidable. No growth happens without pain. I say pain is life
After a breakup, we often, either go hide in a self-destructive bubble or we run desperately to get in touch with the other person, in a yet desperate again need to fix things. After all, the pain is unbearable. But this is not going to lead to something that lasts either. Don’t disrespect yourself or the other one in his/her or your ability to think thoroughly about such a big decision, especially when you guys have been going back and forth with it for a while. The temporary miss that you feel, is nothing compared to the slow damage you might be doing to each other in the long run. I know you think it’s all misunderstandings but is it? For real?
But I miss him/her so much: Your mind is tricking you
Missing someone has not much to do with anything else. Missing something is plain normal and expected. Anything you’ve been in contact with, in a relatively long period, will create miss when it’s gone! As a matter of fact, you can miss painful things
. Missing someone has more to do with attachment
than anything else. MISS IS NOT LOVE
. And forget about needing anything. Your mind is playing you to have its food back. You’ve been feeding it with so many things from the now broken relationship, that it will haunt you to have it back. You will feel like breaking up was a huge mistake that you need to fix ASAP! But was it?
Trust the process
While trying to get over a breakup, trust every second of the process. Every single one: the part where you think you’ll never get over it, the one where you feel like garbage, when you feel you’ve moved on and when you realized you didn’t, etc. Every single moment is part of the process. Don’t judge the steps. Trust them to get you to a better place through it all. And this will be mad HARD. It will be appealing to to give up. It might tempt you to make up. But deep down, you know it will be temporary. Sometimes you’ll want to trash the other person and feel better about yourself. There are so many things you’ll go through. Just remember it’s all in your head and you definitely don’t have to or shouldn’t act on it. You fail when you think you need to do something because of a feeling. You’ll only make longer the time it will take to get over it.
Do nothing during night time
Nighttime makes us so vulnerable. We might be more honest during those times but how we feel when the lights are turned off, isn’t necessarily the most accurate version of us. One thing about feelings is that there are so temporary and they will change. It’s not that they might, they will unavoidably CHANGE! The truth is not always coherent with our feelings. Sometimes the need to feel something even overrides the realness of the feelings. You say you love him/her, but will you be able to accept that it’s not true if it’s actually not the case? Isn’t the same person you say you love that you’ve been saying awful things to, a minute ago? Maybe take time to sort your feelings and don’t be texting things that sound good but are only half true.
Don’t try to « have a life » to compensate
Starting to expand your horizon with new activities and new people will be helpful. But doing that to replace someone will not work even a bit. You don’t replace people like that. Bash them even. No matter the desperate trash talk about them you tell yourself, it’s just not how you can hate someone and replace them. Meet a gazillion new people but that won’t fix the crack somebody else created in you.
People do this all the time. Replace someone with somebody else, it just does not work. That’s how people have wonderful people in their lives and still crack inside from the scars someone else has made happen in them. Every relationship needs their time and effort to get it right. Even if it’s the breakup, the way to get it right. Just don’t try replacing A with B. Accept A and B are both present in your life. The only thing you can do is fuel a little more B than A, progressively and consciously.
It’s hard to know where this fits better because I could have put first on the list. Love yourself. Unfortunately, me asking you to love yourself might not mean a thing. Sometimes the only time we realize we were not loving ourselves enough is when we start to love ourselves a little more. But to help ask yourself why you’re doing things and why you want to do the things that are crossing your mind. Most of the destructive things we do are a simple result of a lack of self-love. We look for love in others. Do you love yourself enough? If not start loving yourself a little more. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of better things than what you might want to do.
Use it to know yourself
Is there any time more suitable to learn about yourself, than when you’re going through a breakup? If you take the time to sit down with your feelings, get honest with yourself, it might surprise you what’s there to find. And before you say this will not work, have you tried?
Don’t be afraid to move on
A lot of times, we get scared that a relationship that was so meaningful, might disappear like any other random one like it never existed. But It’s not necessarily over. You can still grow to talk once in a while. Or get back together later when you’re both better ready. I mean, it’s not the END, like a forever end. Anything is possible, so your relationship might still hold a chance, but it’s not your job to kill yourself into it. So don’t be afraid to move on, because you want to hold on to something that once meant something. Moving on might be your best chance to have that relationship back in best.
Finally, I want you to know that you’ll get there. You’ll get over that breakup. After all, there are trillions of people like you getting through those hard times! Push through. You’re not alone!
Until next time,