If you’re reading this, you’re probably going through something or just curious what next tip someone might have on getting over things.
It’s true that it’s part of our daily lives to reach a point where we need to let go of something. And when that happens, everything just starts working in reverse mode. No matter the reason why the breakup has happened, you’re going to go through some moments of less desireable feelings. And when i say breakup, i mean letting go of any relationship. Wheither it’s a friend, a lover, spouse or else. Whenever we loose something we cared for, we often feel the urge to get over it. The pain is usually near unbearable.
The question here is not how to avoid it, but how to better process things, what brings us close to relief and what draw us apart from it.
Getting over something efficiently, might differ depending on who ended the relationship but remember that:
Everyone feels the void
Because we get attached to things, we can even come to miss pain. The person on the other side will necessarily feel something along the run, after the separation. And knowing that, is not only comforting, it creates a virtual space of connection. So you might even miss that person less, because you know you’re both experiencing something virtually similar, through your feelings and thoughts. This is by no means an escuse to reach out, but to have comfort and a shade of peace through this.
Accept the pain
There is no gimmick to get over anything fast. But running away from it is what is going to delay your recovery to even years later. A way to get over a breakup fast, is to actually accept that it might take time. Accepting and welcoming the pain is liberating and necessary. It’s important to know that pain is predictable and unavoidable. No growth happens without pain. I say, pain is life.
Depending on how we deal with emotions, we either go hide in a self destructive bubble or we run desperately to get in touch with the other person, in a yet desperate again need to fix things. After all, the pain is unbearable. But this is not going to lead to something that last either. Don’t direspect yourself or the other one in his/her or your ability to think thoroughly about such a big decision, specially when you guys have been going back and forth with it for a while. The temporary miss that you feel, is nothing compared to the slow damage you might be doing to each other in the long run. I know you think it’s all misunderstandings but is it? For real?
But I miss him/her so much: Your mind is tricking you
Missing someone has not much to do with anything else. Missing something is plain normal and expected. Anything you’ve been in contact with, in a relatively long period, will create miss when it’s gone! Missing someone has more to do with attachment than anything else. MISS IS NOT LOVE. And forget about needing anything. Your mind is simply playing you to have its food back. You’ve been feeding it with so many things from the now broken relationship, that it’s going to haunt you to have it back. You’re going to feel like breaking up was a huge mistake that you need to fix asap! But was it?
Trust the process
Trust every second of the process. Every single one: the part where you think you’ll never get over it, the one where you feel like garbage, when you feel like you’ve moved on and when you realized you didn’t, etc. Every single moment is part of the process. Don’t judge the steps. Trust them to get you to a better place through it all. And this is going to be mad HARD. You’ll be tempted to give up. You might be tempted to make up. But deep down, you know it’s going to be temporary. Sometimes you’ll want to trash the other person and feel better about yourself. There are so many things you’ll go through. Just remember it’s all in your head and you definitely don’t have to or shouldn’t act on it. You start to fail when you start thinking you need to do something as a result of a feeling. You’ll only make longer the time it’s going to take to get over it.
Don’t do nothing during night time
Night time makes us so vulnerable. We might be more honest during those times but how we feel when the lights are turned off, isn’t necessarily the most accurate version of us, in general. One thing about feelings is that there are so temporary and they will change. It’s not that they might, they will unavoidably CHANGE! The truth is not always coherent with our feelings. Sometimes the need to feel something even overides the realness of the feelings. You say you love him/her, but will you be able to accept that it’s not true if it’s actually isn’t the case? Isn’t the same person you say you love that you’ve been saying aweful things to, a minute ago? May be take time to sort your feelings and don’t be texting things that sound good but are only half true.
Don’t try to « have a life » to compensate
Don’t get me wrong, starting to expand your horizon with new activities and new people will be helpful. But doing that to replace someone, will not work even a bit. You don’t replace people like that. Bash them even. No matter the desparate trash talk about them you tell yourself, it’s just not how you can hate someone and replace them. Meet a gazillion new people if you want, but that won’t fix the crack somebody else created in you.
People do this all the time. Replace someone with somebody else, it does not work at all. That’s how people have wonderful people in their lives and still crack inside from the scars someone else has made happen in them. Every relationship need their time and efforts to get it right. Even if it’s the breakup, the way to get it right. Just don’t try replacing A with B. Accept A and B are both present in your life. The only thing you can do is decide to fuel a little more B than A, progressively and consciously.
It’s really hard to know where this fit better because I could have put first in the list. Love yourself. Unfortunately me asking you to love yourself might not mean a thing. Sometimes the only time we realize we were not loving ourselves enough is when we start to love ourselves a little bit more. But to help, ask yourself why you’re doing things and why you want to do the things that are crossing your mind. Most of the destructive things we do, are a simple result of a lack of self love. We look for love in others. Do you love yourself enough? If not start loving yourself a little more. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of better things than what you might want to do.
Use it to know yourself
Is there any time more suitable to learn about yourself, than when you’re going through a breakup? If you take the time to sit down with your feelings, get honest with yourself, you might be surprised what’s there to find. And before you say this will not work, have you tried?
Don’t be affraid to move on
A lot of times, we get scared that a relationship that was so meaningful, might disappear like any othe random one, like it never existed. But It’s not necessarily over. You can still grow to talk once in a while. Or get back together later when yo’re both better ready. I mean, it’s not the END, like a forever end. Anything is possible, so your relationship might still hold a chance, but it’s not your job to kill yourself into it. So don’t be affraid to move on, because you want to hold on to something that once meant something. Mooving on, might be your best chance to have that relationship back in best.
Finally, I want you to know that you’ll get there. There are trillions of people like you getting through those hard times! Push through. You’re not alone!
What do you think? Which part talked the most to you?
Untill next time,